hapy hour

I think I just needed a little alcohol. I'm so grateful for those around me. We went to happy hour tonight and I truly love the people around me. Not just nursing school, which I'm sure I could not get through without the friends I have made, but also my family and my friends from Aurora. I love every single one of you. I sometimes lose sight of the important things in life when I focus too much on myself and my attitude towards life. Love without strings. night.

learning to trust

WARNING: personal disclosure Life seems to have a way of playing with our emotions and I know it's human, but it is also annoying at times. Like now, I'm in a mood to cry, but I'm not sure I have the energy to. I am feeling things and I know why, but I just don't want to deal right now. maybe that is cowardly, yes. I'm just tired of it all. I am developing me and growing and living. I'm confident in myself and all that I have to offer. I know I can, it more of a motivation issue. I recently read a quote, " motivation is not a feeling;motivation is a choice." I like it. although at this very moment I'm not super motivated, I am content. I do have a positive note, I did a headstand in yoga class today for the first time. It wasn't as hard as I thought, I was just fearful that I would not be able or I would fall. I was able and I did not fall. fear...I had a dream last night that made me really examine my fears. I think I afraid of being in a serious relationship. I have a deep fear that if I love someone deeper than I ever have before they are going to either, 1. abuse me or 2. leave me because I'm not good enough. I know that I would leave someone if they ever abused me, but I think it is more about having my heart broken in that way, I'm not sure I could survive that. I need to work on my confidence, if anyone were to leave me because I'm not good enough, They obviously aren't worth it. Those are both so close to my heart and I have justified them in my head, but I still have a touch of apprehension in my heart.

cherish.

Sorry I haven't blogged in awhile, life has been so busy and active, which is good. It's the end of the semester and I have 2 exams and a presentation left to do before the road trip of a life time with my best friends. I've been super busy and I really have learned to love the quiet time at home. Last night, because quest is stupid, our TV service was turned off and so I did some of the puzzle we have going with Alli, although she just matches the colors together, and we had a great time. I still have so much to do but it was nice to slow down for a few hours and just be present with those I love. We drank hot chocolate and enjoyed the time together. That's what life is all about. It doesn't matter what you are doing as long as you can remember that you love the person you are with. cherish your friends and family. It's been quite the year, looking forward to what is to come. 

4-20

What a weird day. first of all it's columbine, which really gets me. I can remember where I was and everything that happened that day. Secondly, it's my dad's birthday. I don't really talk about him much. Third, It's Hilter's birthday. whatever, not really important. Forth, Its the day that my mom went up to adams county to pick up Alli four years ago...and the rest is history. 

I remember being at Azusa when my mom called me to tell the she had gotten Alli and they didn't know if she could see or hear. My mom spent all night with her. Life is so interesting. 

Let's all remember to love. It's not as difficult as you may think. goodnight

emotions

lately I'm having several emotions all at the same time and it's driving me crazy. figuratively. It's been difficult to choose which emotions are the best to play on at the moment. It's super hard to know if and how others are going to respond to the feelings that I express. I am finding some people in my life are so much stronger than I thought they were and that makes me so happy. It also allows me to lean on them a bit more. Then there are others who are weaker than I thought and have little insight to how their actions effect others. I'm not blaming these people, but I honestly want to know why they cannot understand that we all have responsibilities and that each of us prioritize things differently. 

Thank you to everyone in my life. I have learned something from each of you. I know this life is about learning and discovering new things each and everyday. 

sleeping in.

Ok so last night I totally stayed up way too late just thinking about life and certain events that have brought me to this point. Too many emotions to talk about on here, but anyways, with that came me sleeping in until 1 pm today. I have not slept in that much since high school. it felt good. I didn't get much done today and I think that was a good thing. It was good to just slow down and just be. 

I think too often I'm afraid to feel that emotion that I just go through life without actually feeling anything. I'm working on that. I want to feel all of the emotions, emotions mean we are alive. I think I get more afraid of feeling anything when I have to actually express that feeling and almost defend it. and I know that is just an excuse that I have made up myself and those who I do talk to accept me just the way I am. it's something to work on. 

night. 

Water.

I have recently found a few ways to drink more water. 1. I am sick so I'm trying to flush some of the toxins out, which I should do all the time, but I have been able to drink tons and tons of water. 2. I have found flavorful ways to make water tasty sin calories. Like tea, my newest favorite is tangerine orange zinger by celestial seasonings, I also love love the sugarplum spice, it's one of the holiday blends. It's so good, full of cinnamon and some fruityness. YUM. 3. when I workout I go through one water bottle and before I leave the gym, I make sure to fill it up again. 

water is so vital for so many things, so let's drink up. I think that the more water I drink, the less food I eat. So that is so good too. 

I've been taking it easy the last few days because of this cold I have and I'm so bummed because I know that I am going to have to work so hard to get my endurance back again. It makes me so mad because I worked so hard to get it that far. 

Happy weekend! 

sick.

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I think I've had the same cold for 2 weeks now. It would get better for few days and then worse. argh. I have lots to do and little motivation or energy to do it. 

I've been trying to eat well and still workout because it's just in my head, not my chest, although tonight I began to lose my voice, that's always fun. NOT! I'm drinking tons of water, which makes me pee tons. oh well, I'm done complaining. 

I'm excited to see food revolution tomorrow. Now I have 2 nights of exciting, healthy reality TV. don't get me wrong, I love grey's, private practice, etc, but I can't watch them with Alli around so they are TIVO'ed and I watch them when I have time. I really am inspired by Jamie Oliver and his drive to help schools in America. I know it's difficult to change but he seems to be doing a pretty good job so far. Check it out! Jamie Oliver's food revolution on ABC. 

I'm ready for spring. I do love snow like today. It snows like 2-3 inches and it's all melted off the streets by the time I leave the house. I could do without the wind. 

I'm back from my mcnugget attack and doing well. I'm trying to figure out the great debate in my head. I've heard from a few sources that weight loss is easier when we don't eat carbs with dinner or after. I can understand that but I also know that the brain can only function on carbs. I'd love some input on this. I understand that the liver can use the glycogen stores but I feel like I'm already borderline hypoglycemic in the morning so I don't think I will try it. I also do most of my school work in the evening/night time so I need some carbs to get through that. and by carbs I mean rice, bread, fruit and that stuff, not veggies. 

chicken nuggets.

ok so in the last week I've had probably 30-40 mcdonalds chicken nuggets. I love them and the drive thru is easy, but I really need to get a grip. 

Sorry it's been such a long time since my last post. Let's just say life happened. I was on spring break and it wasn't a break even though I didn't have classes. I got a lot done so that feels good and I spent a lot of time with family which was wonderful, I don't what I would do without them. 

I'm back to healthy eating at least this morning. I'm trying. I have a cold so I'm not going to the gym today, I went yesterday and let's just say I shouldn't have. 

I am reading master your metabolism by jillian michaels, and it's been enlightening, somethings I agree with but others are just too much, but I do appreciate her clarifying the role that hormones play and the function of many of the hormones that may contribute to weight gain. again, I don't want to focus on the weight, that will come off in time, but I do want to focus on the way we live so we can have the best possible lives we can have without the worry of diabetes, heart disease and stroke. 

I will try to stay away from the nuggets. 

life.

food...it's what you make of it. It can either be a murderer or a nurse. (I was gonna say doctor but nurse is much better for this analogy). The cheese burger, fries and large chocolate shake can cause all of the health issues, but a grilled chicken salad and homemade lemonade provides nourishment to the body so it can function better. I'm not saying that grilled chicken salad is the super food of the month, but I want to stress the importance of the nutrient density of our food and what a difference it can make. 

When we feel sick what do we eat? chicken soup. it's low calorie, protein rich and it makes us feel better. So can we take that same idea and apply it to health. It don't want to feel sick today so I eat blueberries, bananas, strawberries and veggies. Maybe with your next food choice you can ask yourself "will this make be feel better or sicker?" 

nourish your body, nourish your life. 

mind/body

Happy birthday to Alli. I had way too much cake and processed food this weekend. I'm working on this week. We had hot dogs and pizza. and lots of cake. and well I did spin today to rid myself of a few of calories I had. I had a realization today, I am really learning to like my body, It's mine and as I am beginning to not compare myself to others, especially at the gym I am able to get in touch with my body and all I am able to do. I'm not super woman but I am able to do more yoga than I could when I started and I love the challenge I get when I push myself. I don't think I will ever be that size two cute butt person but I can laugh at myself when I fall out of a pose and really learn to trust my body and love it for all it does for me. The mind body connection has been made so clear to me lately and I truly hope I don't forget it. 

the mind is a powerful thing. use it wisely. 

workouts. time.

I am 4 for 4 working out days this week. and tomorrow we are going to yoga (Alli and I) then I think I'll do bodyflow. 

so 5 for 5. I'm pretty stoked about it, but I have learned this week that I can manage going to the gym and school and family and all of that just fine. I had a test this week and I studied all along and I really think that by going to the gym I was able to focus better and really relax when it was test time. I also hungout with my aunt and we had a blast, so it's just about planning time to do everything and making sure that those around us understand our goals. I think that by having them understand us they can either help us or hurt us in our journeys to our goals and being conscious about their intentions will help us to make better choices. I had class all week and it was st. patty's day and Alli's birthday so being organized with all of those things really helped me to do what I needed for me and everyone else. I'm sore now but it feels good to know that I am stronger and healthier because of the effort I put into loving me. 

love yourself. Happy spring break. 

Love yourself.

I am learning to love me for who I am, not who I think I should be. It's difficult because I want to so badly to be thinner or smarter or more extroverted. I am working on all of those things and trying to enjoy the journey. I'm trying to love others for what they are too, I think I struggle with that one even more because I think if I'm going to change me then others should change themselves too. I find it really hard to want something for someone else and them not wanting it as badly. That's probably the hardest thing for me. I try to lead by example and be that role model for Alli especially.

I need to get a small workout in before bed tonight. I have eaten so badly the last couple of days and I really need to work some of it off. I hope you are enjoying my blog. I try to keep it interesting, let me know if you want an opinion on a certain topic. 

Terrific tuesday

BL. spin. yoga. and my aunt is in town, I will see her tomorrow. I'm so excited to just be with her and not have an agenda or anything. I still have tons of school work to do but I think I can manage. I'm looking forward to spring break even more now. so much to do so little energy. I could say I wish there were more hours in the day but I couldn't stay awake for any longer than I already do. 

hopefully I can get through spin and bodyflow tomorrow. I'm wiped today and I have tons to do tomorrow. I need to just focus. 

food journals? what happened to those? I had a mini bagel with reduced fat cream cheese and some strawberries for breakfast, then a turkey sandwich with tomato, a yogurt, a sugar free slurpee for lunch and a banana for snack. then spagettii and veggies and french bread for dinner and a donut for dessert. I have to have dessert, I wish I wasn't a sweets person but I am. 

ps- I think I'm in love with Sam from this season of BL. haha. 

long day

After doing half of my BL DVD Alli say's I wanna go to the club, ok so we pack up and go and i did yoga as well. I'm kind of tired from all of that. It's another long week. 

My aunt is coming to town and I'm afraid I will being eating horribly when she is here so I'm trying to hit the gym and watch what I eat a little bit closer. I'm also trying to live my life and enjoy every moment without being too obsessed with healthy living. I do think that I can be deeply joyous and healthy but sometimes in the moment unhealthy things bring me happiness. It's all about balance I guess. 

Emotional eating.

 I'm an expert. I recognize it and I just need to figure out what the deal is. I know that I crave carbs and salt and I know that carbs increase the serotonin in the brain. Just something that I need to deal with better. I love going to the gym and sweat it out, but when I have class and such I need a better way to deal. any one else do this? I need some better options. 

sun.

So this font is the same color as the shirt I'm wearing today:) 

I went for a bike ride today around my neighborhood today. It was awesome, super relaxing, no time constraints or anything. It was great. I'm working myself up to running outside, I don't know what it is that I'm afraid of but I am in some way. There are lots of hills around my house and they are challenging on a bike, I guess when I run I will be prepared for the hills of boulder. It felt so good to be outside today. It has been so so long. I'm so ready for summer when I can just be in shorts all the time and not even worry about it. I love the snow don't get me wrong, but I really loved the sun today. I'm sure I'm deficient in vitamin D or something and that's why I'm loving the sun so much. I don't know. I really am encouraged that I can keep a healthy lifestyle for ever and teach my family about health.

We had some baked BBQ chicken, asparagus, a salad and breadsticks for dinner tonight. I have this feeling that my mom is so sick and tired of veggies, but I'm not gonna stop, she stuck with it. 

Tomorrow I have clinical and hopefully I can control myself, when I'm super emotional I eat and last week I had a whole bag of M&M's and tootsie rolls before my test, oops. 

I still want a food journal from any readers....we are all on the same path and we have to be able to talk about. no judgement just some swaps. my newest swap has been instead of having like chips or fries, I order veggies or I bring blueberries, the blueberries really pop in your mouth I love them. I go through like 2-3 packs a week. yum. I put them on my cereal or yogurt or make desserts with them, pancakes are great with them. my favorite. what's yours? 

much better today.

Much much better today. I did yoga this morning. I love tuesdays. I ate pretty good all day. no horrible choices. we even went out to dinner with a bunch a friends, I was even good then, even though I really wanted a cookie, I need to do more cardio to deserve one of those. 

Biggest loser, so so good, but really would you not participate in the temptation challenge if you were at a place that was to help you lose weight and truly learn what it is that made you fat in the first place. I loved it. I missed it so much. it keeps me motivated for sure. 

I have a pretty free day tomorrow. I may even begin to run outside, I'm a little scared, but I'm also super excited that it's a little warmer. 

five a day. fruits and veggies. make it a competition with someone, could be a fun way to eat. 

work in progress.

I had yogurt and fresh fruit for breakfast, and went to the gym, then had a muffin, and pizza oops, then M&M's. shoot. I thought this week would better than this weekend. I'm not off to a good start. any suggestions? 

tomorrow is yoga and...BL. Yes, I've missed it so so much. maybe that's why I'm not eating as well as I should. there's another excuse, sorry. 

but on a good note I did see a cool new show with Jaime Oliver and obesity that is going to be on ABC soon. Looks pretty good. and besides a good english accent is always good, plus I may get some new healthy recipes.