learning to trust

WARNING: personal disclosure Life seems to have a way of playing with our emotions and I know it's human, but it is also annoying at times. Like now, I'm in a mood to cry, but I'm not sure I have the energy to. I am feeling things and I know why, but I just don't want to deal right now. maybe that is cowardly, yes. I'm just tired of it all. I am developing me and growing and living. I'm confident in myself and all that I have to offer. I know I can, it more of a motivation issue. I recently read a quote, " motivation is not a feeling;motivation is a choice." I like it. although at this very moment I'm not super motivated, I am content. I do have a positive note, I did a headstand in yoga class today for the first time. It wasn't as hard as I thought, I was just fearful that I would not be able or I would fall. I was able and I did not fall. fear...I had a dream last night that made me really examine my fears. I think I afraid of being in a serious relationship. I have a deep fear that if I love someone deeper than I ever have before they are going to either, 1. abuse me or 2. leave me because I'm not good enough. I know that I would leave someone if they ever abused me, but I think it is more about having my heart broken in that way, I'm not sure I could survive that. I need to work on my confidence, if anyone were to leave me because I'm not good enough, They obviously aren't worth it. Those are both so close to my heart and I have justified them in my head, but I still have a touch of apprehension in my heart.