So maybe this is a preemptive attempt at life, but I think that if and when offered, I will take the job that I interviewed for last week. It's not close to my house, but I really think that I will enjoy the time in the car to decompress. I also think a change to scenery and people will be good for me. 


With that I may be letting a few people down after I have pursued another opportunity very hard and I will have to let them down slowly and softy. That will be the hardest part. 


And maybe they won't offer me the job, but I'm hopeful and that is going to be enough for today. 


I'm so tired of the mix of emotion that comes with a longer job search. I've been looking for so long that sometimes I feel inadequate or that I'm a rockstar. I've felt failure and frustration, bitterness and relief. It's rough on the ego. 


With that, I thank all who have supported me so very much. I have the best friends in the world. 

just another day

I had an interview today and I think it went better than the other one. It was for a nurse residency program. I hope I get it. I really do...

I'm so ready to be nurse. Begin my practice and learn so much more than I already know. I will hopefully have a couple more interviews in the next few weeks and I will know for sure what units I have a chance of working on.

So here's to waiting a bit more?

boredom

So it's been month-almost exactly since I took my NCLEX. I've read 3 books, applied for 80+ jobs, shopped for groceries 10 times and I'm bored.

Yes, I love summer and doing fun things with Alli. She started kindergarten in 2 weeks and I'm bored.

I know I have many hobbies and such but without the hustle of life, my hobbies have become mundane. It's not depression-it's boredom. I need a project, a job, something to occupy my mind instead of rotting in front of the television. So here I sit starring at my computer for hours on end hoping for an interview, a spark of hope. I have decided to apply for grad school. I do have an essay to write for that application, but I have no idea where to start. I'll do a google search and probably find my way to the couch in a few minutes.

Wish me luck.

insurance company BS

Problem:

So about a month and a half ago (the same time as graduation and traveling) I was diagnosed with Mono. So I pay my copay at Dr's office, they did a rapid strep and prescribed me some penicillin and ordered a CBC and mono blood test-So I get those, the scrip was $5, no big.

Saturday rolls around an I get a bill for $76, really? what the f happened to $10 labs- I was informed they disappeared Jan 1. and I have a $100 deductible then it's 10% after that. holy moly. So I got to spend almost $100 on a diagnosis I can do nothing about.

Solution:

The insurance company is offering $100 flex dollars to all participants in their healthy people campaign- I wasn't going to do it because 1. I don't get sick often 2. I didn't need the $ until now. I went and got some blood drawn (they test cholesterol and blood sugar-but if they'd just look at my Medical recored they could get both of those) and filled out an online assessment survey on my health.

Within 30 days I should have that flex $ and then I will pay my lab fees.

Way too much work, but I guess it's what needed to be done.

I can't imagine having a chronic illness and dealing with this crap all the time- I feel for those people.

75 and counting

So I have applied for over 75 nursing jobs, and I had 75 questions on my nclex-coinsidence-probably.

The jobs range from IV infusion therapy to ED, from OR to ICU, from PACU to telemetry. So we shall see... I have written probably written 20 different cover letters with my "passion" of blah blah blah. And those managers I've talked to and shared my resume with, say that my resume is beautiful, so why I don't have a job yet, I'm still unsure.

I currently have 3 "considering" at Centura- one of those an interview in a couple weeks. another on hold-whatever that means.

I applied for the new grad program at Memorial-still waiting for the interview fair date

I have only received 7 out of 22 "not selected" from HCA so maybe all others were forwarded to the managers-it's a weird website so I don't really know the status until I receive the 'do not reply' emails of the jobs I didn't get.

That is the job status-it's grim, but hopeful. and yes-i've applied to those jobs that I'm not qualified for in hopes that HR will get tired of seeing my name and forward my app because I'm awesome.

Happy independence day!!

So just an update on the job status- My first interview went well, but I did not get the job. I received my license in the mail, which means I'm official!! I have a couple more interviews, I've applied for 50ish jobs. I'm still hopeful that I will be employed soon.

I am making flatbread with my girls-I'm very much looking forward to that. We may engage on a bike ride, play tennis, swim or otherwise be active!

In other thoughts, what is the appropriate thing to do when other people's children come over to play and leave a mess-it's happened more than once and I'm tired of cleaning and not having others teach their children that it's not okay to leave a mess. suggestions?

well i need to get all my stuff together- have a happy and safe night!

LASIK

So as you know I got LASIK around Christmas time, so it was time again for me to get my eyes checked. One eye was 20/15, the other 20/30-which is so much better than it was before- Yesterday I got PRK on that eye so they would not have to create a flap (had to get that refloated x4 on the other eye-major pain)- afterwards let's just say I was in PAIN. I took a percocet and slept through the night- this morning PAIN again. so I go back for my follow up and ask for some pain drops. These drops are AMAZING!! thank you doc!! My vision is a little hazy still but that is to be expected. So hopefully in a couple week they will both be at 20/15. I would still recommend LASIK, but just warn people that it isn't always a perfect success that first time around. For most it is, but if you are in the lucky few it isn't have patience. I have to say, it's not bad going to see that people at ICON LASIK, they are super nice and some of the Doc's are super hot. (did I really just say that??! lol) and waking up the morning and seeing clearly without fumbling with contacts is so awesome. I do not miss running out of solution and ordering contacts and dealing with the insurance company, copay's and BS. I would highly recommend it. So I get to sleep with eye covers again for a few weeks. There is a funny story that goes with those but I will spare a certain someone the embarrassment. Here's to LASIK, you are awesome.

Almond latte

I'm sitting at Grounds and pounds enjoying the best almond latte EVER!!! what could be better than that? IDK free wifi too!! yes!! Anyways today is the first day of the rest of my life. It's so weird just being, you know, I have nothing I have to do today. I don't have to study at all, I don't have to prepare urgently for my next interviews, I don't have to worry about a thing. Alli is at school and I'm going out tonight with my BFFs. It is a great feeling. I'm still nervous/excited to get the job that I interviewed for last week, but that is out of my hands. I'm just going to enjoy this time while I have it. In other news I did buy a pattern to make some pants, I was going to make a skirt, but really how often do I wear skirts, not often enough. So this last weekend was full of fun. On friday we went and saw mr poppers penguin's, stupid movie, but fun to just go have some family fun. Saturday we made a spaceship out of boxes, it's pretty sweet, We put ribbons over the door opening and Alli put stickers all over it. and sunday we went to the renissance festival, Alli rode an elephant, a camel and a llama :) (love you nic). and we broke out the slip N slide. So many memories that are attached to the slip N slide from my childhood. It was a good weekend. Alli had a fire drill this morning so we will see how much she talks about that tomorrow. She's funny. I turned in our last calendar to Alli's daycare today. It's so weird, Alli will begin Kinder in one month. She's so grown up. later

and so it begins

I had my first interview yesterday and I continue to wait and wait and think and think over and over about the questions and how I could have answered better or added to. I have no idea. my odds at this point are not great 5 in 30, shoot!! I know that I was full of enthusiastic and gave the right answers without being too rehearsed so that's a plus. I just over think things and this is just another case of the over thinking. I have 2 other interview opportunities in july so it's not like this is the last chance I will have to get a job. I just saw this stat from NSNA (National Student Nurses Association), yep lots of acronyms in nursing - so the stat, 45% of nurses who graduated in 2010 still do not have jobs!! This has me a bit freaked out. I feel like this interview really put a damper on my celebration of passing the NCLEX, but if I get the job I guess it will be the best day of my life. I guess that is just power for the course. I guess that's all I got for now. I will try to update more, but no promises.

so we wait...

I have good news... I PASSED, I now have the power to kill patients. The state board of nursing thinks that I am qualified to give nursing care. what the heck were they thinking. since question 75 I'm pretty sure I have been tachycardic and it will continue until next week... this is why I had an interview today, I find out next week. I gave all the right answers and gave them a copy of my portfolio so hopefully they liked me. I really have no idea. I feel good about it and I'll hope for the best. it was my first interview for a nursing position. I am on an emotional roller coaster, it's not as fun as it looks. here's to the rest of my life

jobs!?!

So i still do not have a testing date for my state boards but it should be next week when I can finally schedule that and truly be an RN. In the mean time, I've been apply to tons of jobs and by the luck of the draw I have one interview at Memorial in the Springs for a nurse resident in the ED. OMG I'm so stoked about it!! and I have an interview at St. Mary Corwin in Pueblo in their nurse residency program, I don't know what unit yet. I'm so nervous about my interview, but I know that they have already seen a spark in me so I just need to turn that spark into a flame to show them I am awesome! I had no idea that I would feel this way as I entered the profession. I feel confident in my skill set and abilities to provide quality care to those I encounter. I know what I know, and I know what I don't know. Wish me luck. and a huge thank you goes out to all of you who have supported me through school, you are AMAZING!!

Casper

My oldest dog Casper was put down today, but truly, I'm at peace with it. He was the first dog I ever got. I remember begging my dad to let us get a dog, so so much as an 8 year old girl. And Easter weekend when I was 9, my mom came and got me from school and said she had a surprise in the car. I thought it was my Aunt Sharon to spend the weekend with us. It was a shy, tiny bishon frise. So we went to the pet store to get supplies, etc. and I was holding him and he barfed on the floor he was so nervous. So we put him in the cart and so began our life with bubba boy, Casper. I remember countless times him running out the front door and us chasing him down the street trying to bribe him with treats. He was a sweet dog. Gave me much more than he will ever know. Goodbye, I know you are in a better place.

Friday Favorites first!

So in honor of others doing friday favorite's I must too now join in the fun. Happy graduation to me. I have earned myself a BSN degree from Beth El College of Nursing and Health Sciences at the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs. My gracious mother has given me this necklace too, so beautiful very much my style, simple yet elegant. Thank you everyone for your support on this journey of nursing school;there is nothing like it in the world. I love you all.

The moment

What was that moment that solidified your choice of your career?

Mine was while I was in Mexico on a mission trip with a bunch of students from Azusa Pacific. So there was this man who had diabetes so bad that he could not feel this legs, but he stilled walked with a cane. He had an ulcer on one of his feet, now when I say ulcer, I'm not talking that second degree clean, kinda wet one we all think of. I'm talking forth degree, gangrenous down to the muscle, very close to the bone, smelly and only something you would see in a third world country. The doctor got to choose one of the students to be "first assist" in debridement, he chose me (which was such an honor). I got to suction, I use that term loosely, I really just put on some gloves and used gauze and tweezers to help clean up the wound. We were not in an OR or even a hospital, we were in a church running a clinic for the people of Chiapas. We were not sterile or even close to it. Before we began the debridement we all gathered and held hands and this gentle man said the most beautiful prayer I'd ever heard, I understood little, but the faith that he had in God, us Americans and in the doctor was amazing. This was when I knew what true faith was. It was unwavering and peaceful. I can't say that I have that kind of faith yet, but I try.

The doctor after the debridement said to the whole group that if that man were in the states we would have had both legs amputated years ago. The access to care across the world is such a huge issue so I'm in awe that my friend Nicole is volunteering in a clinic in Peru for a month. She is also very faithful.

As I reflect on this moment, I did not even realize that I loved OR at that point, but that love grew through many clinical experiences in "OR's." People have so much faith in surgeons and anethesiologists that it amazes me.

So with that, I've been apply for jobs and hoping someday that moment when I have life in my hands I will have faith and knowledge to better the life of the patient and my colleagues.

one more...

So I had a relaxing yet productive day.

I went to the gym and I hate to say it, but I did a half assed workout and left after 30 minutes, but I guess some is more than none.

Then I listened to a webinar from ANA (American Nurses' Association) called "Lead from where you stand." It was not what I expected, but good none the less. I thought it would be more about how to take a stand and be involved more with ANA and other organizations; it was actually a pep talk about how we all are interconnected and each of us can impact the world. The presenter had a few good points I thought I'd share. She shared a story about WWII and how all of the older sailors survived yet the younger more knowledgable stronger sailors did not and that the british government did some research into why the older sailers were the survivors and the response from the sailors was that they knew that if they just held on long enough or pushed a little more the storms would soon pass. hence the title of this post, I have one last exam for all of nursing school except the state board exam. And that story really gave me the push I needed to continue studying and keep focused.

I then proceeded to study for like 4 hours with Courtney, who is AWESOME! She's funny and smart.

BTW I passes my peds class with an A. Not that I like to brag about my grades and such, I'm proud that I was able to do well.

I gotta go have a cherry bar, they smell delic and watch BL. So Jillian Michaels is not going to be on BL anymore, but ... She is going to be a cohost on the Doctors. So instead of once a week it's now 5x a week. WIN!

Be extraordinary, live courageously.

Legacy

As I end one chapter of life, nursing school, I'm reflecting on what kind of legacy I would leave behind if I died today. Not that I want to die, but it's more of a reflection on who I want to be and what kind of impact on the world that I want to have.

I want to leave joy and passion to be more in those that I know and know me. I want people to be in awe of the things that I've accomplished in my life and see that triumph is not in being well known or having a lot of money, but in doing the best work possible with the resources at hand; that no project is too big if it means saving someones life.

At this moment, I'm encouraged and hopeful that I will do great things with a lot of faith and a few bandaids.

facebook fail

Because facebook did not get the feedback I had hope for I am back here for awhile.

So open.honest.slim

I'm not sure I'm any of those things right now. Just having some conviction right now about the things I choose to talk about and choose to keep to myself. It's not that it's bad stuff. it's just that it's just so much easier to keep it to myself and not have to connect to others. I do LOVE my friends and I know I can tell them anything without judgement.

I'm reading this book called the 7 habits of highly effective people and it's so true that first we have to be independent and then interdependent, not dependent. It's a giving and taking, but in confidence that I could be independent, but life full of feeling and based in principles is based in healthy relationships.

I'm a work in progress.

School is almost over and I am so ready. Nervous, but ready.

Ali Vincent

So today was pretty awesome. Met Ali Vincent at Penrose main for a workout this morning and then got her autograph this afternoon in the book, which was free. I got some new asics. woohoo. Ali was just was awesome and even more down to earth than I thought. She offered some advice that I thought would be helpful for all of us. She suggested that we tell our friends and family exactly how we want to be supported in our journeys to get healthy, instead of assuming they know how to support us and we feel like they let us down when we think they aren't supporting us in the right way. IF that makes sense. I can be difficult but I seem to be having this discussion process with my mom right now. I want to support her in anyway I can and I am by making healthy easy meals for us to enjoy together, but I may step on her toes a bit when I confront her on any poor choices she makes sometimes. So it's just a communication thing that has actually brought us closer together.

on another note, I'm thinking of moving my blog over to a facebook page were discussions can be had because I'm getting little feedback here.

BL Ali Vincent

Ok so many of you know that I have a moderate to severe obsession with BL.

Tomorrow Ali Vincent, the first female biggest loser, will be doing a workout at Penrose in the morning and giving away free shoes in the afternoon. I have read her book, let me just say AWESOME. She has been through a lot and come out on the other side in shape and in control of her life. I'll let you know how it goes.

Sorry

Sorry for being absent for over a month. My internet didn't work for like 2 weeks and then we went out of town and life has just been crazy.

But as for this journey we call life...it's been good. I've been staying busy. I intern at a summer camp for elementary kids and run around with them three days a week and I have Alli the other two days during the week. Alli and I have gone swimming tons and to zoo a few times. She is getting more comfortable on her bike with training wheels.

I have been to the gym as much as I can but I have to say it's been more difficult than I expected.

ps in the time that I have been away I did complete the bolderBoulder which was amazing. I finished in just under 80 minutes, which is pretty good. I'm hoping for a better time next year. I have a feeling that it will become a routine event in my live. We also saw Dr. Oz there.

As for eating, well, it's been off and on. I can say that I have been listening to my body more so I stop when I'm full and I eat before I get super hungry. I eat pretty well during the week. I have found a delish breakfast that keeps me pretty full. I have a low fat whole grain natural frozen waffle and toast it, put some low fat cream cheese on it and put as many blueberries on it as I can. I pair this with a big cup of black coffee. yum! I have the coffee for the boost of caffeine and the whole grains totally keep me full. but watch out the eggo waffle have trans fat in them, I like the Van's ones.

what are your struggle and how can we help?

ps. YAY world cup!!