Legacy

As I end one chapter of life, nursing school, I'm reflecting on what kind of legacy I would leave behind if I died today. Not that I want to die, but it's more of a reflection on who I want to be and what kind of impact on the world that I want to have.

I want to leave joy and passion to be more in those that I know and know me. I want people to be in awe of the things that I've accomplished in my life and see that triumph is not in being well known or having a lot of money, but in doing the best work possible with the resources at hand; that no project is too big if it means saving someones life.

At this moment, I'm encouraged and hopeful that I will do great things with a lot of faith and a few bandaids.

facebook fail

Because facebook did not get the feedback I had hope for I am back here for awhile.

So open.honest.slim

I'm not sure I'm any of those things right now. Just having some conviction right now about the things I choose to talk about and choose to keep to myself. It's not that it's bad stuff. it's just that it's just so much easier to keep it to myself and not have to connect to others. I do LOVE my friends and I know I can tell them anything without judgement.

I'm reading this book called the 7 habits of highly effective people and it's so true that first we have to be independent and then interdependent, not dependent. It's a giving and taking, but in confidence that I could be independent, but life full of feeling and based in principles is based in healthy relationships.

I'm a work in progress.

School is almost over and I am so ready. Nervous, but ready.

Ali Vincent

So today was pretty awesome. Met Ali Vincent at Penrose main for a workout this morning and then got her autograph this afternoon in the book, which was free. I got some new asics. woohoo. Ali was just was awesome and even more down to earth than I thought. She offered some advice that I thought would be helpful for all of us. She suggested that we tell our friends and family exactly how we want to be supported in our journeys to get healthy, instead of assuming they know how to support us and we feel like they let us down when we think they aren't supporting us in the right way. IF that makes sense. I can be difficult but I seem to be having this discussion process with my mom right now. I want to support her in anyway I can and I am by making healthy easy meals for us to enjoy together, but I may step on her toes a bit when I confront her on any poor choices she makes sometimes. So it's just a communication thing that has actually brought us closer together.

on another note, I'm thinking of moving my blog over to a facebook page were discussions can be had because I'm getting little feedback here.

BL Ali Vincent

Ok so many of you know that I have a moderate to severe obsession with BL.

Tomorrow Ali Vincent, the first female biggest loser, will be doing a workout at Penrose in the morning and giving away free shoes in the afternoon. I have read her book, let me just say AWESOME. She has been through a lot and come out on the other side in shape and in control of her life. I'll let you know how it goes.

Sorry

Sorry for being absent for over a month. My internet didn't work for like 2 weeks and then we went out of town and life has just been crazy.

But as for this journey we call life...it's been good. I've been staying busy. I intern at a summer camp for elementary kids and run around with them three days a week and I have Alli the other two days during the week. Alli and I have gone swimming tons and to zoo a few times. She is getting more comfortable on her bike with training wheels.

I have been to the gym as much as I can but I have to say it's been more difficult than I expected.

ps in the time that I have been away I did complete the bolderBoulder which was amazing. I finished in just under 80 minutes, which is pretty good. I'm hoping for a better time next year. I have a feeling that it will become a routine event in my live. We also saw Dr. Oz there.

As for eating, well, it's been off and on. I can say that I have been listening to my body more so I stop when I'm full and I eat before I get super hungry. I eat pretty well during the week. I have found a delish breakfast that keeps me pretty full. I have a low fat whole grain natural frozen waffle and toast it, put some low fat cream cheese on it and put as many blueberries on it as I can. I pair this with a big cup of black coffee. yum! I have the coffee for the boost of caffeine and the whole grains totally keep me full. but watch out the eggo waffle have trans fat in them, I like the Van's ones.

what are your struggle and how can we help?

ps. YAY world cup!!

hapy hour

I think I just needed a little alcohol. I'm so grateful for those around me. We went to happy hour tonight and I truly love the people around me. Not just nursing school, which I'm sure I could not get through without the friends I have made, but also my family and my friends from Aurora. I love every single one of you. I sometimes lose sight of the important things in life when I focus too much on myself and my attitude towards life. Love without strings. night.

learning to trust

WARNING: personal disclosure Life seems to have a way of playing with our emotions and I know it's human, but it is also annoying at times. Like now, I'm in a mood to cry, but I'm not sure I have the energy to. I am feeling things and I know why, but I just don't want to deal right now. maybe that is cowardly, yes. I'm just tired of it all. I am developing me and growing and living. I'm confident in myself and all that I have to offer. I know I can, it more of a motivation issue. I recently read a quote, " motivation is not a feeling;motivation is a choice." I like it. although at this very moment I'm not super motivated, I am content. I do have a positive note, I did a headstand in yoga class today for the first time. It wasn't as hard as I thought, I was just fearful that I would not be able or I would fall. I was able and I did not fall. fear...I had a dream last night that made me really examine my fears. I think I afraid of being in a serious relationship. I have a deep fear that if I love someone deeper than I ever have before they are going to either, 1. abuse me or 2. leave me because I'm not good enough. I know that I would leave someone if they ever abused me, but I think it is more about having my heart broken in that way, I'm not sure I could survive that. I need to work on my confidence, if anyone were to leave me because I'm not good enough, They obviously aren't worth it. Those are both so close to my heart and I have justified them in my head, but I still have a touch of apprehension in my heart.

cherish.

Sorry I haven't blogged in awhile, life has been so busy and active, which is good. It's the end of the semester and I have 2 exams and a presentation left to do before the road trip of a life time with my best friends. I've been super busy and I really have learned to love the quiet time at home. Last night, because quest is stupid, our TV service was turned off and so I did some of the puzzle we have going with Alli, although she just matches the colors together, and we had a great time. I still have so much to do but it was nice to slow down for a few hours and just be present with those I love. We drank hot chocolate and enjoyed the time together. That's what life is all about. It doesn't matter what you are doing as long as you can remember that you love the person you are with. cherish your friends and family. It's been quite the year, looking forward to what is to come. 

4-20

What a weird day. first of all it's columbine, which really gets me. I can remember where I was and everything that happened that day. Secondly, it's my dad's birthday. I don't really talk about him much. Third, It's Hilter's birthday. whatever, not really important. Forth, Its the day that my mom went up to adams county to pick up Alli four years ago...and the rest is history. 

I remember being at Azusa when my mom called me to tell the she had gotten Alli and they didn't know if she could see or hear. My mom spent all night with her. Life is so interesting. 

Let's all remember to love. It's not as difficult as you may think. goodnight

emotions

lately I'm having several emotions all at the same time and it's driving me crazy. figuratively. It's been difficult to choose which emotions are the best to play on at the moment. It's super hard to know if and how others are going to respond to the feelings that I express. I am finding some people in my life are so much stronger than I thought they were and that makes me so happy. It also allows me to lean on them a bit more. Then there are others who are weaker than I thought and have little insight to how their actions effect others. I'm not blaming these people, but I honestly want to know why they cannot understand that we all have responsibilities and that each of us prioritize things differently. 

Thank you to everyone in my life. I have learned something from each of you. I know this life is about learning and discovering new things each and everyday. 

sleeping in.

Ok so last night I totally stayed up way too late just thinking about life and certain events that have brought me to this point. Too many emotions to talk about on here, but anyways, with that came me sleeping in until 1 pm today. I have not slept in that much since high school. it felt good. I didn't get much done today and I think that was a good thing. It was good to just slow down and just be. 

I think too often I'm afraid to feel that emotion that I just go through life without actually feeling anything. I'm working on that. I want to feel all of the emotions, emotions mean we are alive. I think I get more afraid of feeling anything when I have to actually express that feeling and almost defend it. and I know that is just an excuse that I have made up myself and those who I do talk to accept me just the way I am. it's something to work on. 

night. 

Water.

I have recently found a few ways to drink more water. 1. I am sick so I'm trying to flush some of the toxins out, which I should do all the time, but I have been able to drink tons and tons of water. 2. I have found flavorful ways to make water tasty sin calories. Like tea, my newest favorite is tangerine orange zinger by celestial seasonings, I also love love the sugarplum spice, it's one of the holiday blends. It's so good, full of cinnamon and some fruityness. YUM. 3. when I workout I go through one water bottle and before I leave the gym, I make sure to fill it up again. 

water is so vital for so many things, so let's drink up. I think that the more water I drink, the less food I eat. So that is so good too. 

I've been taking it easy the last few days because of this cold I have and I'm so bummed because I know that I am going to have to work so hard to get my endurance back again. It makes me so mad because I worked so hard to get it that far. 

Happy weekend! 

sick.

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I think I've had the same cold for 2 weeks now. It would get better for few days and then worse. argh. I have lots to do and little motivation or energy to do it. 

I've been trying to eat well and still workout because it's just in my head, not my chest, although tonight I began to lose my voice, that's always fun. NOT! I'm drinking tons of water, which makes me pee tons. oh well, I'm done complaining. 

I'm excited to see food revolution tomorrow. Now I have 2 nights of exciting, healthy reality TV. don't get me wrong, I love grey's, private practice, etc, but I can't watch them with Alli around so they are TIVO'ed and I watch them when I have time. I really am inspired by Jamie Oliver and his drive to help schools in America. I know it's difficult to change but he seems to be doing a pretty good job so far. Check it out! Jamie Oliver's food revolution on ABC. 

I'm ready for spring. I do love snow like today. It snows like 2-3 inches and it's all melted off the streets by the time I leave the house. I could do without the wind. 

I'm back from my mcnugget attack and doing well. I'm trying to figure out the great debate in my head. I've heard from a few sources that weight loss is easier when we don't eat carbs with dinner or after. I can understand that but I also know that the brain can only function on carbs. I'd love some input on this. I understand that the liver can use the glycogen stores but I feel like I'm already borderline hypoglycemic in the morning so I don't think I will try it. I also do most of my school work in the evening/night time so I need some carbs to get through that. and by carbs I mean rice, bread, fruit and that stuff, not veggies. 

chicken nuggets.

ok so in the last week I've had probably 30-40 mcdonalds chicken nuggets. I love them and the drive thru is easy, but I really need to get a grip. 

Sorry it's been such a long time since my last post. Let's just say life happened. I was on spring break and it wasn't a break even though I didn't have classes. I got a lot done so that feels good and I spent a lot of time with family which was wonderful, I don't what I would do without them. 

I'm back to healthy eating at least this morning. I'm trying. I have a cold so I'm not going to the gym today, I went yesterday and let's just say I shouldn't have. 

I am reading master your metabolism by jillian michaels, and it's been enlightening, somethings I agree with but others are just too much, but I do appreciate her clarifying the role that hormones play and the function of many of the hormones that may contribute to weight gain. again, I don't want to focus on the weight, that will come off in time, but I do want to focus on the way we live so we can have the best possible lives we can have without the worry of diabetes, heart disease and stroke. 

I will try to stay away from the nuggets. 

life.

food...it's what you make of it. It can either be a murderer or a nurse. (I was gonna say doctor but nurse is much better for this analogy). The cheese burger, fries and large chocolate shake can cause all of the health issues, but a grilled chicken salad and homemade lemonade provides nourishment to the body so it can function better. I'm not saying that grilled chicken salad is the super food of the month, but I want to stress the importance of the nutrient density of our food and what a difference it can make. 

When we feel sick what do we eat? chicken soup. it's low calorie, protein rich and it makes us feel better. So can we take that same idea and apply it to health. It don't want to feel sick today so I eat blueberries, bananas, strawberries and veggies. Maybe with your next food choice you can ask yourself "will this make be feel better or sicker?" 

nourish your body, nourish your life. 

mind/body

Happy birthday to Alli. I had way too much cake and processed food this weekend. I'm working on this week. We had hot dogs and pizza. and lots of cake. and well I did spin today to rid myself of a few of calories I had. I had a realization today, I am really learning to like my body, It's mine and as I am beginning to not compare myself to others, especially at the gym I am able to get in touch with my body and all I am able to do. I'm not super woman but I am able to do more yoga than I could when I started and I love the challenge I get when I push myself. I don't think I will ever be that size two cute butt person but I can laugh at myself when I fall out of a pose and really learn to trust my body and love it for all it does for me. The mind body connection has been made so clear to me lately and I truly hope I don't forget it. 

the mind is a powerful thing. use it wisely. 

workouts. time.

I am 4 for 4 working out days this week. and tomorrow we are going to yoga (Alli and I) then I think I'll do bodyflow. 

so 5 for 5. I'm pretty stoked about it, but I have learned this week that I can manage going to the gym and school and family and all of that just fine. I had a test this week and I studied all along and I really think that by going to the gym I was able to focus better and really relax when it was test time. I also hungout with my aunt and we had a blast, so it's just about planning time to do everything and making sure that those around us understand our goals. I think that by having them understand us they can either help us or hurt us in our journeys to our goals and being conscious about their intentions will help us to make better choices. I had class all week and it was st. patty's day and Alli's birthday so being organized with all of those things really helped me to do what I needed for me and everyone else. I'm sore now but it feels good to know that I am stronger and healthier because of the effort I put into loving me. 

love yourself. Happy spring break. 

Love yourself.

I am learning to love me for who I am, not who I think I should be. It's difficult because I want to so badly to be thinner or smarter or more extroverted. I am working on all of those things and trying to enjoy the journey. I'm trying to love others for what they are too, I think I struggle with that one even more because I think if I'm going to change me then others should change themselves too. I find it really hard to want something for someone else and them not wanting it as badly. That's probably the hardest thing for me. I try to lead by example and be that role model for Alli especially.

I need to get a small workout in before bed tonight. I have eaten so badly the last couple of days and I really need to work some of it off. I hope you are enjoying my blog. I try to keep it interesting, let me know if you want an opinion on a certain topic. 

Terrific tuesday

BL. spin. yoga. and my aunt is in town, I will see her tomorrow. I'm so excited to just be with her and not have an agenda or anything. I still have tons of school work to do but I think I can manage. I'm looking forward to spring break even more now. so much to do so little energy. I could say I wish there were more hours in the day but I couldn't stay awake for any longer than I already do. 

hopefully I can get through spin and bodyflow tomorrow. I'm wiped today and I have tons to do tomorrow. I need to just focus. 

food journals? what happened to those? I had a mini bagel with reduced fat cream cheese and some strawberries for breakfast, then a turkey sandwich with tomato, a yogurt, a sugar free slurpee for lunch and a banana for snack. then spagettii and veggies and french bread for dinner and a donut for dessert. I have to have dessert, I wish I wasn't a sweets person but I am. 

ps- I think I'm in love with Sam from this season of BL. haha.