Almond latte

I'm sitting at Grounds and pounds enjoying the best almond latte EVER!!! what could be better than that? IDK free wifi too!! yes!! Anyways today is the first day of the rest of my life. It's so weird just being, you know, I have nothing I have to do today. I don't have to study at all, I don't have to prepare urgently for my next interviews, I don't have to worry about a thing. Alli is at school and I'm going out tonight with my BFFs. It is a great feeling. I'm still nervous/excited to get the job that I interviewed for last week, but that is out of my hands. I'm just going to enjoy this time while I have it. In other news I did buy a pattern to make some pants, I was going to make a skirt, but really how often do I wear skirts, not often enough. So this last weekend was full of fun. On friday we went and saw mr poppers penguin's, stupid movie, but fun to just go have some family fun. Saturday we made a spaceship out of boxes, it's pretty sweet, We put ribbons over the door opening and Alli put stickers all over it. and sunday we went to the renissance festival, Alli rode an elephant, a camel and a llama :) (love you nic). and we broke out the slip N slide. So many memories that are attached to the slip N slide from my childhood. It was a good weekend. Alli had a fire drill this morning so we will see how much she talks about that tomorrow. She's funny. I turned in our last calendar to Alli's daycare today. It's so weird, Alli will begin Kinder in one month. She's so grown up. later

and so it begins

I had my first interview yesterday and I continue to wait and wait and think and think over and over about the questions and how I could have answered better or added to. I have no idea. my odds at this point are not great 5 in 30, shoot!! I know that I was full of enthusiastic and gave the right answers without being too rehearsed so that's a plus. I just over think things and this is just another case of the over thinking. I have 2 other interview opportunities in july so it's not like this is the last chance I will have to get a job. I just saw this stat from NSNA (National Student Nurses Association), yep lots of acronyms in nursing - so the stat, 45% of nurses who graduated in 2010 still do not have jobs!! This has me a bit freaked out. I feel like this interview really put a damper on my celebration of passing the NCLEX, but if I get the job I guess it will be the best day of my life. I guess that is just power for the course. I guess that's all I got for now. I will try to update more, but no promises.

so we wait...

I have good news... I PASSED, I now have the power to kill patients. The state board of nursing thinks that I am qualified to give nursing care. what the heck were they thinking. since question 75 I'm pretty sure I have been tachycardic and it will continue until next week... this is why I had an interview today, I find out next week. I gave all the right answers and gave them a copy of my portfolio so hopefully they liked me. I really have no idea. I feel good about it and I'll hope for the best. it was my first interview for a nursing position. I am on an emotional roller coaster, it's not as fun as it looks. here's to the rest of my life

jobs!?!

So i still do not have a testing date for my state boards but it should be next week when I can finally schedule that and truly be an RN. In the mean time, I've been apply to tons of jobs and by the luck of the draw I have one interview at Memorial in the Springs for a nurse resident in the ED. OMG I'm so stoked about it!! and I have an interview at St. Mary Corwin in Pueblo in their nurse residency program, I don't know what unit yet. I'm so nervous about my interview, but I know that they have already seen a spark in me so I just need to turn that spark into a flame to show them I am awesome! I had no idea that I would feel this way as I entered the profession. I feel confident in my skill set and abilities to provide quality care to those I encounter. I know what I know, and I know what I don't know. Wish me luck. and a huge thank you goes out to all of you who have supported me through school, you are AMAZING!!

Casper

My oldest dog Casper was put down today, but truly, I'm at peace with it. He was the first dog I ever got. I remember begging my dad to let us get a dog, so so much as an 8 year old girl. And Easter weekend when I was 9, my mom came and got me from school and said she had a surprise in the car. I thought it was my Aunt Sharon to spend the weekend with us. It was a shy, tiny bishon frise. So we went to the pet store to get supplies, etc. and I was holding him and he barfed on the floor he was so nervous. So we put him in the cart and so began our life with bubba boy, Casper. I remember countless times him running out the front door and us chasing him down the street trying to bribe him with treats. He was a sweet dog. Gave me much more than he will ever know. Goodbye, I know you are in a better place.

Friday Favorites first!

So in honor of others doing friday favorite's I must too now join in the fun. Happy graduation to me. I have earned myself a BSN degree from Beth El College of Nursing and Health Sciences at the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs. My gracious mother has given me this necklace too, so beautiful very much my style, simple yet elegant. Thank you everyone for your support on this journey of nursing school;there is nothing like it in the world. I love you all.

The moment

What was that moment that solidified your choice of your career?

Mine was while I was in Mexico on a mission trip with a bunch of students from Azusa Pacific. So there was this man who had diabetes so bad that he could not feel this legs, but he stilled walked with a cane. He had an ulcer on one of his feet, now when I say ulcer, I'm not talking that second degree clean, kinda wet one we all think of. I'm talking forth degree, gangrenous down to the muscle, very close to the bone, smelly and only something you would see in a third world country. The doctor got to choose one of the students to be "first assist" in debridement, he chose me (which was such an honor). I got to suction, I use that term loosely, I really just put on some gloves and used gauze and tweezers to help clean up the wound. We were not in an OR or even a hospital, we were in a church running a clinic for the people of Chiapas. We were not sterile or even close to it. Before we began the debridement we all gathered and held hands and this gentle man said the most beautiful prayer I'd ever heard, I understood little, but the faith that he had in God, us Americans and in the doctor was amazing. This was when I knew what true faith was. It was unwavering and peaceful. I can't say that I have that kind of faith yet, but I try.

The doctor after the debridement said to the whole group that if that man were in the states we would have had both legs amputated years ago. The access to care across the world is such a huge issue so I'm in awe that my friend Nicole is volunteering in a clinic in Peru for a month. She is also very faithful.

As I reflect on this moment, I did not even realize that I loved OR at that point, but that love grew through many clinical experiences in "OR's." People have so much faith in surgeons and anethesiologists that it amazes me.

So with that, I've been apply for jobs and hoping someday that moment when I have life in my hands I will have faith and knowledge to better the life of the patient and my colleagues.

one more...

So I had a relaxing yet productive day.

I went to the gym and I hate to say it, but I did a half assed workout and left after 30 minutes, but I guess some is more than none.

Then I listened to a webinar from ANA (American Nurses' Association) called "Lead from where you stand." It was not what I expected, but good none the less. I thought it would be more about how to take a stand and be involved more with ANA and other organizations; it was actually a pep talk about how we all are interconnected and each of us can impact the world. The presenter had a few good points I thought I'd share. She shared a story about WWII and how all of the older sailors survived yet the younger more knowledgable stronger sailors did not and that the british government did some research into why the older sailers were the survivors and the response from the sailors was that they knew that if they just held on long enough or pushed a little more the storms would soon pass. hence the title of this post, I have one last exam for all of nursing school except the state board exam. And that story really gave me the push I needed to continue studying and keep focused.

I then proceeded to study for like 4 hours with Courtney, who is AWESOME! She's funny and smart.

BTW I passes my peds class with an A. Not that I like to brag about my grades and such, I'm proud that I was able to do well.

I gotta go have a cherry bar, they smell delic and watch BL. So Jillian Michaels is not going to be on BL anymore, but ... She is going to be a cohost on the Doctors. So instead of once a week it's now 5x a week. WIN!

Be extraordinary, live courageously.

Legacy

As I end one chapter of life, nursing school, I'm reflecting on what kind of legacy I would leave behind if I died today. Not that I want to die, but it's more of a reflection on who I want to be and what kind of impact on the world that I want to have.

I want to leave joy and passion to be more in those that I know and know me. I want people to be in awe of the things that I've accomplished in my life and see that triumph is not in being well known or having a lot of money, but in doing the best work possible with the resources at hand; that no project is too big if it means saving someones life.

At this moment, I'm encouraged and hopeful that I will do great things with a lot of faith and a few bandaids.

facebook fail

Because facebook did not get the feedback I had hope for I am back here for awhile.

So open.honest.slim

I'm not sure I'm any of those things right now. Just having some conviction right now about the things I choose to talk about and choose to keep to myself. It's not that it's bad stuff. it's just that it's just so much easier to keep it to myself and not have to connect to others. I do LOVE my friends and I know I can tell them anything without judgement.

I'm reading this book called the 7 habits of highly effective people and it's so true that first we have to be independent and then interdependent, not dependent. It's a giving and taking, but in confidence that I could be independent, but life full of feeling and based in principles is based in healthy relationships.

I'm a work in progress.

School is almost over and I am so ready. Nervous, but ready.

Ali Vincent

So today was pretty awesome. Met Ali Vincent at Penrose main for a workout this morning and then got her autograph this afternoon in the book, which was free. I got some new asics. woohoo. Ali was just was awesome and even more down to earth than I thought. She offered some advice that I thought would be helpful for all of us. She suggested that we tell our friends and family exactly how we want to be supported in our journeys to get healthy, instead of assuming they know how to support us and we feel like they let us down when we think they aren't supporting us in the right way. IF that makes sense. I can be difficult but I seem to be having this discussion process with my mom right now. I want to support her in anyway I can and I am by making healthy easy meals for us to enjoy together, but I may step on her toes a bit when I confront her on any poor choices she makes sometimes. So it's just a communication thing that has actually brought us closer together.

on another note, I'm thinking of moving my blog over to a facebook page were discussions can be had because I'm getting little feedback here.

BL Ali Vincent

Ok so many of you know that I have a moderate to severe obsession with BL.

Tomorrow Ali Vincent, the first female biggest loser, will be doing a workout at Penrose in the morning and giving away free shoes in the afternoon. I have read her book, let me just say AWESOME. She has been through a lot and come out on the other side in shape and in control of her life. I'll let you know how it goes.

Sorry

Sorry for being absent for over a month. My internet didn't work for like 2 weeks and then we went out of town and life has just been crazy.

But as for this journey we call life...it's been good. I've been staying busy. I intern at a summer camp for elementary kids and run around with them three days a week and I have Alli the other two days during the week. Alli and I have gone swimming tons and to zoo a few times. She is getting more comfortable on her bike with training wheels.

I have been to the gym as much as I can but I have to say it's been more difficult than I expected.

ps in the time that I have been away I did complete the bolderBoulder which was amazing. I finished in just under 80 minutes, which is pretty good. I'm hoping for a better time next year. I have a feeling that it will become a routine event in my live. We also saw Dr. Oz there.

As for eating, well, it's been off and on. I can say that I have been listening to my body more so I stop when I'm full and I eat before I get super hungry. I eat pretty well during the week. I have found a delish breakfast that keeps me pretty full. I have a low fat whole grain natural frozen waffle and toast it, put some low fat cream cheese on it and put as many blueberries on it as I can. I pair this with a big cup of black coffee. yum! I have the coffee for the boost of caffeine and the whole grains totally keep me full. but watch out the eggo waffle have trans fat in them, I like the Van's ones.

what are your struggle and how can we help?

ps. YAY world cup!!

hapy hour

I think I just needed a little alcohol. I'm so grateful for those around me. We went to happy hour tonight and I truly love the people around me. Not just nursing school, which I'm sure I could not get through without the friends I have made, but also my family and my friends from Aurora. I love every single one of you. I sometimes lose sight of the important things in life when I focus too much on myself and my attitude towards life. Love without strings. night.

learning to trust

WARNING: personal disclosure Life seems to have a way of playing with our emotions and I know it's human, but it is also annoying at times. Like now, I'm in a mood to cry, but I'm not sure I have the energy to. I am feeling things and I know why, but I just don't want to deal right now. maybe that is cowardly, yes. I'm just tired of it all. I am developing me and growing and living. I'm confident in myself and all that I have to offer. I know I can, it more of a motivation issue. I recently read a quote, " motivation is not a feeling;motivation is a choice." I like it. although at this very moment I'm not super motivated, I am content. I do have a positive note, I did a headstand in yoga class today for the first time. It wasn't as hard as I thought, I was just fearful that I would not be able or I would fall. I was able and I did not fall. fear...I had a dream last night that made me really examine my fears. I think I afraid of being in a serious relationship. I have a deep fear that if I love someone deeper than I ever have before they are going to either, 1. abuse me or 2. leave me because I'm not good enough. I know that I would leave someone if they ever abused me, but I think it is more about having my heart broken in that way, I'm not sure I could survive that. I need to work on my confidence, if anyone were to leave me because I'm not good enough, They obviously aren't worth it. Those are both so close to my heart and I have justified them in my head, but I still have a touch of apprehension in my heart.

cherish.

Sorry I haven't blogged in awhile, life has been so busy and active, which is good. It's the end of the semester and I have 2 exams and a presentation left to do before the road trip of a life time with my best friends. I've been super busy and I really have learned to love the quiet time at home. Last night, because quest is stupid, our TV service was turned off and so I did some of the puzzle we have going with Alli, although she just matches the colors together, and we had a great time. I still have so much to do but it was nice to slow down for a few hours and just be present with those I love. We drank hot chocolate and enjoyed the time together. That's what life is all about. It doesn't matter what you are doing as long as you can remember that you love the person you are with. cherish your friends and family. It's been quite the year, looking forward to what is to come. 

4-20

What a weird day. first of all it's columbine, which really gets me. I can remember where I was and everything that happened that day. Secondly, it's my dad's birthday. I don't really talk about him much. Third, It's Hilter's birthday. whatever, not really important. Forth, Its the day that my mom went up to adams county to pick up Alli four years ago...and the rest is history. 

I remember being at Azusa when my mom called me to tell the she had gotten Alli and they didn't know if she could see or hear. My mom spent all night with her. Life is so interesting. 

Let's all remember to love. It's not as difficult as you may think. goodnight

emotions

lately I'm having several emotions all at the same time and it's driving me crazy. figuratively. It's been difficult to choose which emotions are the best to play on at the moment. It's super hard to know if and how others are going to respond to the feelings that I express. I am finding some people in my life are so much stronger than I thought they were and that makes me so happy. It also allows me to lean on them a bit more. Then there are others who are weaker than I thought and have little insight to how their actions effect others. I'm not blaming these people, but I honestly want to know why they cannot understand that we all have responsibilities and that each of us prioritize things differently. 

Thank you to everyone in my life. I have learned something from each of you. I know this life is about learning and discovering new things each and everyday. 

sleeping in.

Ok so last night I totally stayed up way too late just thinking about life and certain events that have brought me to this point. Too many emotions to talk about on here, but anyways, with that came me sleeping in until 1 pm today. I have not slept in that much since high school. it felt good. I didn't get much done today and I think that was a good thing. It was good to just slow down and just be. 

I think too often I'm afraid to feel that emotion that I just go through life without actually feeling anything. I'm working on that. I want to feel all of the emotions, emotions mean we are alive. I think I get more afraid of feeling anything when I have to actually express that feeling and almost defend it. and I know that is just an excuse that I have made up myself and those who I do talk to accept me just the way I am. it's something to work on. 

night. 

Water.

I have recently found a few ways to drink more water. 1. I am sick so I'm trying to flush some of the toxins out, which I should do all the time, but I have been able to drink tons and tons of water. 2. I have found flavorful ways to make water tasty sin calories. Like tea, my newest favorite is tangerine orange zinger by celestial seasonings, I also love love the sugarplum spice, it's one of the holiday blends. It's so good, full of cinnamon and some fruityness. YUM. 3. when I workout I go through one water bottle and before I leave the gym, I make sure to fill it up again. 

water is so vital for so many things, so let's drink up. I think that the more water I drink, the less food I eat. So that is so good too. 

I've been taking it easy the last few days because of this cold I have and I'm so bummed because I know that I am going to have to work so hard to get my endurance back again. It makes me so mad because I worked so hard to get it that far. 

Happy weekend!